but the lizard people decide everything anyway
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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