Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
