how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
