Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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