There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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