There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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