What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
