she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
