Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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