I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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