We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
