oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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