Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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