and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
