I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
