do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
