We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
