the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
In America we eat man semen.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
