oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
