On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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