You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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