i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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