she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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