I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
