I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
