I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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