You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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