if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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