We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
