Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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