Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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