No awkward lesbian experiences without me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
