Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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