someone threw a dead crab at me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
