she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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