friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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