so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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