I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
