There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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