HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
