Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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