god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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