Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
