matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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