your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
