So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
