at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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