I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
