ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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