I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
