i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
