Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
