I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
