Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I made him laugh his dick is mine
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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