Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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