Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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