why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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