Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
