oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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