I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
