He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize