I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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