So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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