I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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