Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
