Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
