You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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