when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
