dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
