So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
