fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
