"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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