The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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