On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
