I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
