The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
